-How social media is leading us to a more anti-social world-

I’ve noticed a trend in recent years among the general American public: people are not as friendly as they used to be.  Everywhere I look I see people walking around with a glower on their faces.  I’ve said hi to people who in turn looked at me like I was insane.  It seems like people are avoiding socializing. 

How can that be?  We live in a modern age where socializing has never been easier.  With the smartphone, texting and WiFi we can talk to anyone, anytime.  With Facebook and Twitter we can tell where our friends are and what they’re doing all the time. 

And funnily enough, that’s exactly the problem here. 

Let’s wind back the clock just twenty-five years.  It’s 1988.  I’m an infant, George H. W. Bush is in office and gas is $0.81 per gallon.  More importantly, technology is in a different place.  There’s a relatively new model of the portable telephone that’s becoming popular because it doesn’t require a belt-mounted battery pack, but it’s very expensive and most people don’t bother.  Yet. 

Try to think about how things were before the Internet.  I realize that’s quite a task for any college student.  I was only 8 years old when the Internet was commercialized, and only 13 when it began to rise to the throne of modern society.  It’s safe to say that if you’re 21 or younger, you probably don’t remember a time before at least some form of commercially used Internet existed. 

Anyone older than me probably does remember a time before the Internet was a thing.  Try to remember how social interactions worked back then.  There were only two ways to instantly communicate: you either talked in person or you talked on the phone, but since most phones were grounded with cables you usually just used them to arrange a time and place to socialize in person.

It’s difficult for teenagers to socialize at first, it always has been.  But back in 1987, you either talked to people in person or you would be spending a lot of time alone.  To have a healthy level of social interaction you had to leave your comfort zone and say hello to strangers.  And once people did that a few times, and then it became second nature.

Before I go on, I realize this is not true of everyone.  Bullying plays a large role in social awkwardness.  I know because I was a victim, and the cruelty of my youthful peers followed me through high school and well into adulthood.  But that’s a separate issue I’ll be sure to tackle in a future column. 

Now, let’s come back to today.  2013, Barack Obama, Twitter, iPhone, etc.  The reason teenagers are not as sociable as they used to be is simple: they no longer need to be.  It’s no longer necessary for them to leave their comfort zones.  Why?  Because they have a device that lets them interact with their friends at all times.  Friends, as in their own little clique, people they’re already comfortable with, people they know won’t judge them or be rude to them. 

At work the other day I talked to a co-worker about this phenomenon.  I wanted his opinion on it because he’s much older than I am and spent most of his life in the pre-social media world.  He was born in 1940.  Those of you who know him call him “Bull.” 

Bull says he has noticed the trend as well.  He told me that he often goes to Atlanta, and when he makes eye contact with a younger person, they immediately whip out their phones and bury their faces in them.   When he mentioned that I recalled an incident where a young lady came in to shop with her mother and never once looked away from her screen from the moment they walked in to the moment they left. 

We’re not the only ones who have noticed.  My mother works with the public as well, and she has told me that when she goes to lunch she sees families sitting around restaurant tables with mother, father and children all enamored with their screens and not interacting with each other in the slightest. 

With all of this going on, is it really any wonder that we end up with socially degenerate teenagers that think it’s funny to plant homemade soda-bottle bombs in people’s yards?  Or who end up pregnant and addicted to Meth at age 13?  I realize that social media has only been a big thing for about 10 years now, but do you really think that the aforementioned situations are going to make things better? 

But for all my ranting, I have to admit that I don’t really have a solution.  I guess technology is like anything else.   If you use it responsibly, it can do a world of good.  Look at me, after all; I’ve been using the Internet for paid work for years now.  However, like everything else in life, be it food or medicine or television, using it in such extreme excess can be terribly destructive. 

One thing I will say: I see kids younger and younger with cell phones all the time.  I’ve seen a girl who couldn’t have been older than 10 pull an iPhone out of her purse and peck away at it.  To all my old friends who are now parents, all I ask is that you spend some time discussing when the right time is to give your child that sort of freedom and responsibility.  It could have a huge impact on said child’s ability to comingle in the future.

Adam Alexander © 2013

     Tonight I was looking through an archive of humorous pictures when I came across some that poked fun at obese children.  Below the picture was a menagerie of Facebook user cracking jokes of their own. 

     I was obese as a child.  I suffered through it for as long as I can remember.  I was severely ridiculed about it.  Through elementary and middle school people often poked my stomach and made the Pillsbury Doughboy “woo-hoo” sound. 

     I had many nicknames then: Chunky, Doughboy, Fat-Ass, Big Boy…the list goes on.  In seventh grade I had a teacher who ridiculed me about it in front of the class.  Some bullies never outgrow the habit.  Even an aunt of mine used to pat me on the stomach and tell me what a big boy I was becoming.  I’m sure that was meant in innocence, but it felt the same to me.  Most don’t know this, but I often considered suicide as a child.  The psychological torment from so many of my peers was more than I could bear.

     For my childhood obesity, the fault tragically falls on my parents.  Don’t get me wrong: I could not have asked for better parents.  They loved me fiercely, they always encouraged me while growing up, they always made time for me, and they made clear to me right and wrong.  But, like everyone else in the world, they were not perfect.  My weight was one of their mistakes. 

     My mother always pushed food on me growing up.  Always.  I was not allowed to leave the table until I finished everything on my plate.  I was certainly not allowed to have dessert until my plate was clean.  We also had dessert every night, and it was always something like cake or pie or ice cream. 

    My parents also never made me exercise.  I was a gamer, and they were content to let me do that as the pounds packed on over the years.  I ran my first 5k a week ago, and while I was there I saw hundreds of parents with their children.  My parents never took me to those sorts of event. 

     Again, please don’t misread what I’m saying (especially if you are one of my parents).  I love my mother and father with all that I am.  They get an “A +” for raising children.  Believe me, compared to what many children go through, obesity is a relatively benign mistake for a parent. 

     And that’s my bit on parental responsibility.  A lot of my old college buddies have kids now, and to you I would say this: if your child says he’s full, accept that.  If he wants a bowl of cereal for dinner instead of three slices of meatloaf with ketchup and buttered corn on the side, let him have it.  You’re not doing him any favors by pushing food on him.  To this day I still sometimes have to get firm with my mother when she continually insists I eat more out of habit. 

     Now for personal responsibility.

     I know that a lot of people can probably relate.  Like me they were overweight all through childhood and it’s primarily because their parents didn’t control their eating habits.  In many cases the parents are also terrible eaters and they pass the habit along to their kids.  However, I also see many people my age and older using this as an excuse for their weight problems. 

     My dilemma: my parents made me obese as a child.  My answer to myself and anyone else after the age of eighteen: tough shit. 

     “But it’s not fair!” they say.  Life’s not fair.  When you enter adulthood the responsibility becomes yours to correct your flaws.  Whatever happened to you as a child, you must learn to rise above it.  This is something a person who recently exited my life taught me, and something I should have known all along. 

     Don’t be too hard on yourself if you struggle with your weight.  I still do.  I’m worlds better than I was before, but I still have a long way to go.  I know it’s hard.  Believe me, no one knows more than me how hard it is to turn a lifetime of weight problems around. 

     Some look around at gyms and fun runs and think “Well look how many people are in good shape, it can’t be that hard for those overweight folks.”  What they don’t realize is that 70% of Americans are overweight, and of the 30% that are not, most of them have never had problems with their weight, or never for more than a few months or year.  For someone to come back to the side of fitness from a lifetime of obesity is actually a pretty rare occurrence. 

     Our bodies naturally resist change.  That’s what they’re programmed to do, to keep up habits that avoid pain and give comfort.  So to radically change one’s diet from a burger and pie fest to a salad bonanza is exceedingly difficult because your subconscious will try to force you back into your old eating habits.  You’ll get cravings for fatty foods because that’s what your body is used to consuming and that’s what it has become comfortable with. 

     It's also important to realize that we're programmed to overeat.  This comes from our nomadic ancestors who were hunters.  They had no way of knowing when the next chance they would have to eat would come, so they ate as much as they could when the opportunity was present.

     To my readers who struggle with weight, have you ever noticed that your body tends to stick to a certain weight whether you change your diet for the better or for the worse?  That’s because there’s a weight your body is accustomed to, and initial deviations from that norm will be met with bodily resistance. 

     It’s on you to push past those resistances.  You cannot make excuses for yourself.  Whatever your reasons, whether it be a better physique or lower cholesterol or the ability to get up the stairs without getting out of breathe, you have to make a commitment.  It took me eight years to realize that.  Don’t make the same mistakes I did. 

     Is it impossible?  Not at all.  Is it going to be hard?  Damn right it’s going to be hard!  It’s going to hurt and every fiber of your being is going to scream at you to go back to your old habits of eating fatty foods and sitting on the sofa.  But it’s ultimately up to you to make the decision to overcome your own mind. 

     Doing this is more rewarding than you might realize.  As Buddha once said, “to conquer one’s self is greater than to conquer thousands in battle.”  That conquest will never happen if you’re not willing to endure the pains of battle. 

     Conquer thyself and the world will never intimidate you. 

                                                            Adam Alexander © 2012